


The Destroyer

by VulcansinSpace



Category: Les Misérables (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulcansinSpace/pseuds/VulcansinSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire is pretty sure, and he means like 99.99% sure, that he did not order this many dildos. </p><p>or</p><p>‘you accidentally shipped this weird thing to my apartment’ au "</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Destroyer

**Author's Note:**

> I remembered that a couple nights ago I wrote this fic at 3 in the morning based on a prompt I found on tumblr (which I do not have a link to) and I decided what the hey here you guys go. I apologize for any mistakes, I did write this at 3 am and I do not have a beta :) 
> 
> Also sorry to disappoint but there is no sexy bits despite the misleading title, it's just supposed to be fairly funny and cute.

Grantaire is pretty sure, and he means like 99.99% sure that he did not order this many dildos. He may get piss drunk on occasion but he is pretty sure he never ordered himself a disturbing amount of dildo’s. Especially one called _The Destroyer_ , which the name itself sends a shiver down Grantaire’s spine, because he may be into some kinky shit but not _The Destroyer_ kind of kinky shit.

So in situations like this, Grantaire poured himself a drink to reflect on his new surplus of dildos. He downs his glass in one shot and wanders back over to the box that he currently wishes he could avoid and forget about. This is when something catches his eye, first off his name is definitely not Enjolras and that is definitely not his address on the box. 

Fuck. 

He opened this guys box of dildo’s and it’s not like he can send this parcel back out because this is for his neighbour. 

Double Fuck. 

Here he is with his neighbour’s kinky box of dildo’s and he’s pretty sure he’s going to faint, like right here right now on the floor this very second. 

Instead Grantaire catches onto the back of his kitchen table chair before he could properly collapse. 

The real conundrum here is not that he’s embarrassed he has to return a box of dirty secrets, but more so he knows who the dirty box of secrets is for. Grantaire has two neighbours, a sweet little old lady on his right and super hottie on his left. He’s 99% sure that Ms. Moreau doesn’t need all these dildo’s, but on the other hand why does hottie next door, whose name he now knows is Enjolras, need all these dildo’s either? 

Grantaire decides to properly sit down for this one. 

He has been wanting to talk to this beautiful god of neighbour for several months now, but it usually ends up with Grantaire choking out a hello before he makes his escape into his house or down the apartment stairs and sometimes down the street. He wouldn’t say he’s bad with people, but just bad with people he’s very very into. 

But it’s not just that lusty feeling he gets when he sees him that Grantaire loves the most, but how sometimes he can hear soft orchestra music humming through the paper thin walls. Or the occasional screams for revolution when he hosts a party and that soft orchestra music crescendos into heavy metal. Or maybe the intense look he has on his face when he’s reading on the balcony of his dingy apartment while Grantaire tries to hastily finish his smoke. 

But this is indeed a new thing to know about a guy that you secretly admire, maybe something Grantaire never wanted to know about the guy since he’s perfectly happy pining away. This. This box of blasphemous and horrifyingly large dildo’s is the true nature of a person that Grantaire wishes he never knew and hopes that he forgets fairly quickly. 

So Grantaire does what he does best, he pour himself another drink to calm his nerves and then return the box to its rightful owner. He downs the little bit he poured into his glass in one go and slams the glass down like a champ. He tapes up that box and heads out his door and that’s when Grantaire gets nervous. 

What is the protocol in returning these sorts of things? Do you just knock on the door and go ‘Hello, I did not open your parcel here I am completely oblivious to what is in this box’. Or do you just leave the box near the door and hope it doesn’t get stolen? 

Before Grantaire can even think of a solution he feels a tap on his shoulder. 

“Excuse me? Can I help you with something?” Says the melodic voice behind him. 

“OH!” Grantaire exclaims and wishes his voice didn’t crack the way it did “Hi! I’m your neighbour and it seems I got your package in the mail.” 

“Oh,” Enjolras replies and stares at the box with a firm expression “Did you open it?” he enquires about the poor job Grantaire did at concealing the fact that he opened the box. 

Grantaire lets out an awkward chuckle and tries to look anywhere but into his neighbour’s eyes “I’m so sorry! I thought it was mine and I didn’t even look at the address on it before I opened it, but I’m returning it! So here you go!” Grantaire shoves the box into his neighbour’s arm’s and quickly scurries back into his own apartment. 

He leans against the door with a sign and tries to quell down that nervous feeling in his gut after the interaction. But he has barely enough time to process that thought when there is a knock at his door. 

Grantaire opens the door and Enjolras is on the side his face beat red in embarrassment. 

“I just thought I’d let you know that I’m not a weirdo who owns this many dildo’s but I’m a Sex Educator, there is a reason for this.” 

Surprisingly, Grantaire laughs as Enjolras’ ears begin to turn a shade of red and his face slowly pinches in confusion. 

“I’m sorry!” Grantaire chuckles out and wipes a tear from his eye “This by no means explains why you need that many dildo’s, there is literally no reason to ever own a dildo called _The Destroyer_ of all things.” 

“I’ll have you know that job sometimes entails actually knowing what i'm advertising,” Enjolras bites out and raises his nose in clear defiance. 

“Oh,” is Grantaire’s only reply leading the conversation into dead silence as they awkwardly hover at the doorway. 

Enjolras licked his chapped lips, and his eyes bore into Grantaire making the whole situation even worse as Grantaire tries not to melt into the ground and hide under a rock under the scrutinizing stare. 

“If you-“ Enjolras cuts himself off and drops his head a little but then replies boldy “Never mind, I apologise for such an unexpected delivery.” 

“Uh, don’t worry about it.” Grantaire assured and watched as Enjolras quickly retreated into his own apartment with a sharp goodbye. 

Grantaire softly closed his door and berated himself as he flopped down on his couch. 

Ugh why did he have to be so bad that these things! Why can’t he just talk to people he was interested in without bungling up the whole conversation. 

His mind hovered around that thought for a while before that reckless side of him started to stir inside him leaving him restless and frustrated. 

With all his courage Grantaire marched out his door and knocked on his neighbour’s door. 

Enjolras opened the door and Grantaire shot out his hand “Hi I’m Grantaire your neighbour and up until now I have been very nervous to talk to you, but giant dildo’s aside, I thought I’d introduce myself anyways.” 

Enjolras barked out a laugh, loud and carefree and tucked a few strands of his hair behind his ear “Hello Grantaire,” He replied with a smile as he shook Grantaire’s hand “I’m Enjolras, and I do indeed own a massive dildo collection and I wouldn’t mind if we went out for coffee sometime.” 

Enjolras quirked his eyebrow and Grantaire let out a small chuckle, his hand still holding Enjolras’ own. 

“I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
